Autoweld FC 16/03/2008
Another game we will all want to forget as soon as possible.
Blackpool Road, a game nobody looks forward to playing. Not because of the opposition but because the pitches are truly awful.
Picture a normal football pitch, add some bumps and some holes (real ankle snappers), tip 100kg of potting soil on 3 areas of the pitch and add some goal post that don’t seem to fit our net correctly. A recipe for disaster.
All that added with force 10 gales, spirits were not high.
4-4-2 was order of the day. Andy Mac coming in at centre half, after a spell in the stalls, and Daz Worrall replacing Daz Clarke at right back were the only changes from last weeks side.
Toss up lost and we had to settle with the 6mph wind behind us for 45. We seemed to get off to a decent enough start but we struggled in the last third, some found the Auto’s physical game too much and we struggled to show support for each other. More often than not possession was conceded cheaply and inevitably we were made to pay from a corner that was pinged about found its way in the back of our net.
1-0 down and their gob shite Captain was really doing my head in, I had visions of putting my fist through his head, he was really that bad. The guy does not have the respect of his team mates, zero ability and a gob that opens up faster than Subway sandwich bar.
Not, in my opinion, a credible captain - he reminded me of the smaller chuckle brother without a tash and maybe 4 or 5 stone lighter.
George almost beat me to it in reality only he didn't have the blessing of the man who rules with a yellow card 'Colin the ref'.
Auto’s got another and the mood on camp was at an all time low. It had been a while since we’d been 2-0 down and it hurt. Everytime I shouted little chuckle brother would pipe up with something. Obvious that he didn't realise when his side needed some vocals and just used me as auto queue.
Time to pass on the arm band me thinks pal.
2-0 down half time. Red rooster and mineral water was in abundance, last weeks team talk had a lasting effect. Heads were down and looking around at some faces there wasn’t a William Wallace amongst the lot. Not going to be our day.
More of the same in the second half. Auto's simply kicking their way through division 3a and teaching us that it is not nice playing a physical side. A few long balls later and Auto’s had 5.
Wozzer grabbed one back for us but it was never enough.
Loved the hammering we gave to the worlds oldest and fattest club mascot - the sub in the leg calipers. Some funny stuff was said to him.
He only gets on because he is in charge of substitutions. What a poor poor player, why on Earth do they stick with him?
After his display of tackles around our hips and some very disturbing grunting I feel his minutes on the pitch should come to end for his sake and for some of the younger, better players in the league that he will snap because he is not good enough, young enough or fast enough to do anything other.
It's fatal mistaking ambition for ability.
Final score: Excelsior 1 - Tyrone whatever he’s called 5.
Man of the Match - Daz Worral
Easy choice - only player to do well today. Fitted in to a new position and really did the biz. Sorry to see him subbed off and would have much preferred a forward making way for the substitute.
A massive well done to you Dazza. Tackled well, kept the ball down and ... won headers!!
Disappointed at the lack of spirit in the side on Sunday. Not going to get on any ones back about it but I will say we have to get our balls back, by alls I mean testicals, before we meet Progress or we will get a real spanking.
We need to toughen up, we need to play with a bit of attitude and never ever ever bottle it no matter who the opposition.
Forget the Red Rooster Mercer this lot need half time Viagra to make them hard.
See you all Tuesday
Fiss
A poor match report
2 points - Re Daz Melling.
Daz Melling - the gobshite captain - who you were going to put the your fist through his head (I'd like to see you try) is a mouthy fucker yes, but if you knew Daz you would know that this was part of his game and you put up with it because of what he can do on the pitch. Funny how a guy with "zero" ability managed to break up near enough all of your attacks with the wind against us.
The "team mascot" who came on, came on because we were 4-0 up and hammering your side who had caused little or no problems, and we were giving some of the younger players a rest. The ginger guy who apparently said some "funny" stuff to him about the tennis noises he was making got caught in posession by him about four times in the first 5 minutes our manager was on the pitch - as well as your big dirty jock in centre mid getting beat countless times in the air by him. He has no illusions on how young he is and if you would have paid more attention, we had only 2 substitutes one of which was him.
Last point - we are not long ball merchants - we don't even have anyone uptop who can head the ball - Tyrone got 3 and our other striker got 2 if you would have looked at fyldesport.I think you are under some illusion on how good a team you are mate and if your website is to have any credibility you will need to start writing impartial match reports.
Lighten up anonymous Auto person....
....who sounds very much like the old guy who came on, who made tennis noises apparently!!!
I think Fiss has hit a bit of a nerve here. Maybe you should take the match report with a pinch of salt and get a grip mate, its meant to be entertaining and light hearted. Oh and I would like to see him try and fill the gobshite (who is 6 stone wet through!!) in, I think there is only one winner there!!
By the way were under no illusions about how good we are, but even the most biased Auto player will have to conecede 5-1 flattered you, I made it 7 shots, five goals for you so every credit for that.
Re:
Am not the old guy who came on - infact am an Autoweld player. Not that any of you know me or anything. Ok, if you're so sure who the winner would be, tell him to fill Daz in next time he sees him - looks can be deceiving. Maybe I did take it a little seriously however I think it showed a lack of respect for us, and i'd even go as far to say that some of it was offensive to some of our lads, as do the rest of your match reports for their corresponding opponents - apart from Eden for some reason who are way above the standard for our league apparently - although we managed to beat them. but I suppose how you want to be portrayed is your decision. The point was I thought we outplayed you - we looked like doing something and your lot didn't hence the 5-1 scoreline.
thanks for contributing to our site
Well yes I think we all could have guessed you were an Autoweld player, thanks for that. If you want a slanging match over it, fair enough.
Frankly I don't think were that arsed how we are portrayed, as it may have escaped your attention were a Sunday league 3a footabll team FFS! We play to win but have a laugh and a few beers along the way, the way it should be. If we lose we get over quite quickly and more often than not have a laugh about it.
As I said before get a grip, coming on our website spouting off anonymously is only showing your team up. By the way Eden are the best team we have played, you are not far behind and I think the league table will reflect that at the end of the season. We have only started playing since Xmas and I think the table will probably reflect that too.
A toast - To the man who writes the match reports
Hello Auto player.
I am over the moon that you have taken the time out to read not just your match report but all of the match reports. I feel glad that my creative writing is so addictive.
If I have offended any of your team mates with the match report then I am truely not bothered in the slightest. If you can't take a laugh at your own expense then shame on you.
Lets take a step back and look at things. Like Mercer said it is 3a, not the prem and definately not the Jerry Springer Show. Why on earth are you talking about fights? I am sure Daz doesn't want you getting him into fights does he? Would you like me to set one up for you? I know a right fucking animal that'd be just the ticket for you pal!
I understand my reports are well one-sided. Of course they are, what else would the rest of team want to read about? You, and how excellent you are? They want to make light of the losing feeling and buzz off the winning feeling, I feel
I do that with the match reports. It really isn't anything personal.
You are a better side than us; 1st to admit it. We just couldn't break you down and when we did your keeper (who was outstanding) got in the way. You were the better team and you won. However I think the score line did flatter you lads slightly. Do you think we deserved 5-1?
Please don't take any comments to heart, it is for a bit of fun. A bit of fun - the reason we play footy.
Banter we don't mind - in fact we love it.
Email me if you want to continue this rather than posting on the web site. fiss@aerialview.tv
Thanks for using the site pal
Match report doesn't seem
Match report doesn't seem that bad!?
No need for autoweld to get upset about the match report some of the other reports from other teams are pretty harsh n that one aint bad really. I've played against that 'gobshite' captain of Autowelds before and he is a pretty poor player, even by 3a standards. But I suppose we have to allow players like that to play somewhere don't we? I think 6 stone wet through is a little generous though!
Best of luck for the rest of the season boys
I am afraid you are the one
I am afraid you are the one who was talking about putting your fist through peoples heads mate, all I said was I would like to see you try, I am not one for getting into my dad's harder than your dad discussions and haven't done since school.
As for the other anonymous guy saying Daz is a poor player, I disagree. He is a good player and has been a good player on a Saturday and Sunday for years as well.
Yes I have read most of your match reports, as I have done with most teams in 3a that have a website. Regardless of whether we are in 3a or the Prem I think it is important to show your opponents respect whoever they are but like I said that is upto you lot. I just think it is a bit contradictory as well when you are calling people poor players and talking about Zero Ability when your team got hammered. And no, I don't expect you to write about how good the opposition are when they beat you and I never said you should do that but excuses like they were too physical for us make for boring reading I'm sure even for your lads.
Your still missing the point...
....but I can't be arsed going over that again. On the contrary I find the match reports quite entertaining, even when the game was boring.
I have noticed that a new website has sprung up this week from Autoweld, with 1 match report on it for the game against Excelsior? Coincidence?
not a co-incidence at all
not a co-incidence at all mate - i did it.
Lighten up pal, its just
Lighten up pal, its just banter.
Are you having a laugh.....
This is the ginger one in midfield that supposedly got caught in possession 5 times. Come on lets be serious for a minute I lost the ball twice and apart from that is memory is correct I ripped you apart with 3 killer balls.
Please tell me your lying when you say Daz Melling played on a Saturday he is not that good. Tyrone is by far the only lad that could play on a Saturday which he has done with me this season. Lets look at the bigger picture here I had just played a full ninety minutes the day before, got injured and been out on the piss not tucked up in bed by half 9 with my hot chocolate like most of your team.
I heard you lot came second in the league last season but refused to go up why is that, I mean if your so good why are you still in 3A when you didn't have to be. I've played in teams that have walked division 2 and 3, and in my opinion you are a weak side. Take Tyrone out and you would be knackered. I hope you go up cause I'd love seeing your results on Fyldesport with defeats every. Might try tapping Tyrone up next season seeing if he wants to join a decent team.
And finally don't think I'm under any illusions......because I know for a fact that you lot aren't good enough to even lace my left boot....luv ya all banter it up
over the top!!!!!!!
i have just read autos match report and in it u say u are not a long ball team.well on 2 or 3 occassions u said thats what u lot did and im sure all of our players show respect 2 our opponents,get out of ur bubble m8 and concentrate on the rest of ur promotion push!!!!!!
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